i spent all day yesterday in looking like a faggy boy scout complete with tan shorts. i was not very happy about it but Mistress knew what was best. It reminded me of when i was a cub scout jeez i must have been like 8 maybe? But there was this photo taken of me in my uniform with my little shorts and i remember looking at is and think "my little hairless legs have no shape." Still in those little shorts, legs still hairless, 20 years later my legs are not so skinny and have a bit more shape.
Mistress allowed me to accompany Her to the grocery that evening in my fancy get up. As i followed behind Her i tried my best to hide my long pink nails from onlookers. But as we headed deep into the store Mistress had informed me that She needed me to fetch a cart. So now as i went back to the cart i thought about all the people that would see my nails and there was nothing i could do about it i had no choice but to obey Her. So i did and i shamelessly pushed the cart my bright pink nails displayed for all to see. Because i had to give up the control or the mindset that people might look at me funny. In the end none of that matter all that matters is pleasing the one in control the only persons opinion that has merit in my world.......Mistress Carrie.
As i said in my previous post, i was punished and had to write lines. When Mistress arrived home from work She was quick to inspect my work as She enjoyed a cigarette and Her ashtray. She pointed out that i had capitalized the letter "i" when referring to myself. Mistress seemed very displeased by this, i quickly explained that i didnt know that was a problem. Force of habit always makes me capitalize "i" because of this and the lack of the apostrophe in the word "i've" Mistress informed me i will be rewriting my lines today. i eagerly accepted the fact that i was no long allowed to use honorifics of any sort when referring to myself infact i embraced it. Mainly because i am a rules and protocol junkie! i was excited to do my morning ritual of text messaging Mistress Her morning formal greeting, when i realized that my iphone auto corrects every letter i by its self to a capital "I" Well this is a problem because without the auto correct i would never spell anything right! But against my better judgement i turned it off to write my morning formal message.......i was informed of six spelling grammar and protocol errors and told i would be paddled this evening for not sending a proper message. It really was not worth turning the auto correct off for the sake of selfish laziness. Mistress and i text alot while She is away from home so now that my auto correct is on. i have to back track alot and force the phone to make my i's lower case then double check that they are all correct before sending my message. It is a prefect example of little things reminding you of your place.
So spending my time yesterday as a boy made me realize i am so much more playful and just an over all bad slave with not en femme. If i may run off on a bit of a tangent here i so much prefr words like en femme or feminized when referring to what you are when dressed as a female those terms sound so danity and proper. Whereas terms like "boy mode" or "girl mode" they just seem so much more informal and butch. Maybe its just because i am more of a sissy maid than a crossdresser i have a specific fetish for the properness of it all ....i have no idea....Anyway I am much more playful and kind of a brat when i am a boy. i dont really know why, i mean dont get me wrong i still know my place and still observe my protocol but just something in my brain is such much less submissive. i have always said in the past that i am not infact submissive by nature but had been trained to submit to my Mistress. i mean i own a girl for christ sake(jeni) if that is ny indication to my submissive nature. However when i am a gur,l Her gurl i find that submission is so very natural and kind of just fluid that i do not even have to try i just turn my brain off and let go awating instructions. When a boy ....not so much i am playful like a child with add i am still punished and still correct but it doesnt have the same effect as when i am a boy. Do any other sissies have this problem? Its also not like i seperate the 2 sides (which is a huge petpeeve of mine for some reason i hate when people refer to their fem selves in the third person "Brittney would love those boots or tara giving her first blow job") my 2 selves are infact one in the same ashe has always been short for ashlynn and fifi is a nickname given to me by Mistress Carrie. That being said that attitudes and personalities are not at all the same! it is very interesting.
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